Part I of a two-part project inspired by a produced by Interval House of Hamilton-Wentworth.
Abuse does not always come in the form of assault — you do not have to be hit to be abused.
Abuse can look like any of the following main signs:
Does your partner or someone close to you…
- Act very jealous of other people or accuse you of cheating or wanting to cheat?
- Keep you from seeing or talking to friends, family, co-workers or neighbours?
- Threaten to hurt you or your children or others you are close with?
- Threaten to hurt themselves?
- Threatening — in any way — to do anything that would make you feel bad? (E.g. threatening to kick you out; threatening to take your money)
- Insult you, put you down or call you names?
- Insult your friends, put them down or call them names? (Isolate you from others)
- Seem to suddenly switch between charming and compassionate, to angry or withdrawn?
- Get into angry ‘funks’ — ranting; silent treatment; vengeful behaviour?
- Set up many rules for you to follow?
- Control all the money for both of you?
- Convince you to do sexual things you may not feel totally comfortable with?
- Make you explain where you go, who you see and what you do, all the time?
- Play minds games; engages in gas-lighting (consistently says they “don’t remember”); makes you think you are “crazy”?
- Coerces you to do things that feel degrading for you?
- Threaten to take your children?
- Destroy or “lose” things that are important to you?
- Threaten to jeopardise your relations with those you are close to? (E.g. Children, family, friends, employer, etc.)?
- Make important decisions (e.g. about the household, finances, events, etc) and expect you to go along with it?
- Negate or invalidate your say in certain matters?
- Threaten to use weapons or other objects against you?
- Push, grab, kick, hit you or use any other forms of physical violence or assault?
- Make promises to change, but goes right back to how they were before??
- Feel like you are “walking on eggshells” — unable to express how you feel, in order to prevent them from getting angry at you or “exploding”?
- Feel like you are always doing something wrong?
- Feel like you are caught in a trap and that no one could understand your situation?
- Sometimes believe the insults they say about you? (E.g. Believe that you are infact just “crazy”)
- Feel afraid or intimidated about talking with your partner about how you are feeling and the problems in the relationship?
- Believe that you can be (at least partly) to blame for your partner’s behaviours?
- Feel as though you have no choice?
- Think that your partner’s jealousy is them showing they love you?
- Stop expressing yourself or stop doing things that are important to you because your partner does not like or agree with them?
- Stop seeing your friends and family as often?
- Feel as though your partner would be unable to go on without you, or you without them?
- Feel scared, confused, upset, intimidated, frustrated, anxious or nervous and lacking control most of the time?
- Have a hard time eating well, sleeping, relaxing, enjoying sex and/or enjoying yourself?
- Are always certain that your partner will change “this time”?
- Are always hurt and disappointed when they have not changed?
#how-to identify abuse