applecores&peachpits

Part I of a two-part project inspired by a produced by Interval House of Hamilton-Wentworth.

Abuse does not always come in the form of assault — you do not have to be hit to be abused.

Abuse can look like any of the following main signs:

Does your partner or someone close to you…

• Act very jealous of other people or accuse you of cheating or wanting to cheat?
• Keep you from seeing or talking to friends, family, co-workers or neighbours?
• Threaten to hurt you or your children or others you are close with?
• Threaten to hurt themselves?
• Threatening — in any way — to do anything that would make you feel bad? (E.g. threatening to kick you out; threatening to take your money)
• Insult you, put you down or call you names?
• Insult your friends, put them down or call them names? (Isolate you from others)
• Seem to suddenly switch between charming and compassionate, to angry or withdrawn?
• Get into angry ‘funks’ — ranting; silent treatment; vengeful behaviour?
• Set up many rules for you to follow?
• Control all the money for both of you?
• Convince you to do sexual things you may not feel totally comfortable with?
• Make you explain where you go, who you see and what you do, all the time?
• Play minds games; engages in gas-lighting (consistently says they “don’t remember”); makes you think you are “crazy”?
• Coerces you to do things that feel degrading for you?
• Threaten to take your children?
• Destroy or “lose” things that are important to you?
• Threaten to jeopardise your relations with those you are close to? (E.g. Children, family, friends, employer, etc.)?
• Make important decisions (e.g. about the household, finances, events, etc) and expect you to go along with it?
• Negate or invalidate your say in certain matters?
• Threaten to use weapons or other objects against you?
• Push, grab, kick, hit you or use any other forms of physical violence or assault?
• Make promises to change, but goes right back to how they were before??

Do you…

• Feel like you are “walking on eggshells” — unable to express how you feel, in order to prevent them from getting angry at you or “exploding”?
• Feel like you are always doing something wrong?
• Feel like you are caught in a trap and that no one could understand your situation?
• Sometimes believe the insults they say about you? (E.g. Believe that you are infact just “crazy”)
• Feel afraid or intimidated about talking with your partner about how you are feeling and the problems in the relationship?
• Believe that you can be (at least partly) to blame for your partner’s behaviours?
• Feel as though you have no choice?
• Think that your partner’s jealousy is them showing they love you?
• Stop expressing yourself or stop doing things that are important to you because your partner does not like or agree with them?
• Stop seeing your friends and family as often?
• Feel as though your partner would be unable to go on without you, or you without them?
• Feel scared, confused, upset, intimidated, frustrated, anxious or nervous and lacking control most of the time?
• Have a hard time eating well, sleeping, relaxing, enjoying sex and/or enjoying yourself?
• Are always certain that your partner will change “this time”?
• Are always hurt and disappointed when they have not changed?

#how-to identify abuse