applecores&peachpits

Many of the rapists quoted in the study talked about coercing women or having sex with them even though they were initially unwilling. However, so did the lad mags. Horvath says, “Rapists try to justify their actions, suggesting that women lead men on, or want sex even when they say no, and there is clearly something wrong when people feel the sort of language used in a lads’ mag could have come from a convicted rapist.” A lot of these stereotypes — that women say no when they really mean yes, or are “asking for it” by going out with a man or wearing a short skirt — have indeed been normalized, and it’s sad but not surprising that they appear in a lot of lad mags. Defenders of such statements like to frame them as innocent, or even helpful, observations. But perhaps the news that they sound just like rapists will make people — and magazines — rethink their words.

Can You Tell The Difference Between A Men’s Magazine And A Rapist?

BDSM pornography is so excruciatingly aware of its own ability to perpetuate the idea that women yearn to be violated that is actually fights against that myth. …
The reality is that the activities and pornographic imagery of BDSM culture are problematic only because we have reached a point where a woman’s desire is completely demeaned and dismissed. If women’s pleasure were paramount, this argument (and the feminist fear of sexual submission) wouldn’t exist. When women are consistently depicted as victims of both violence and culture, it’s difficult to see any other possibilities. Feminists have a responsibility not only to fight and speak out against the mainstream appropriation of BDSM, but also to support BDSM practitioners who endorse safe, sane, and consensual practice.

Stacey May Fowles, The Fantasy of Acceptable “Non-Consent”: Why the Female Sexual Submissive Scares Us (and Why She Shouldn’t), from Yes Means Yes

The truth is, any sex act can be done incorrectly, against our will, or by somebody we’re just not that into. Getting head can be painful and abusive if you’re not into your partner. Your favorite sex act can be destroyed for you if it’s done to you against your will. Masturbating can make you cry if you’re having a bad day. All sex lives in this liminal space – who we let close to us and what we are willing to do with them relies so heavily on our attraction and also where our bodies and minds live at that moment.

Courtney Trouble | Queer Porn Icon | The Truth About Fisting. (via sexisnottheenemy)

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illusionsetscenery:

yes yes yes yes yes!!

Hurray! ^_^ <3

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fuckyeahbillycastro:

tender moments with arabelle raphael at crashpadseries.com porn shoot

this anarchist likes these things.

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Wanna Prevent Gender Violence? 10 Things Male-Identified Allies Can Do:

Gender violence is a men’s issue, involving men of all ages, races and class backgrounds. View menfolk not only as perpetrators or possible oppressors, but as empowered allies who can confront abusive peers!
If someone you know — a friend, classmate, or teammate — is acting in abusive or oppressive was, or is disrespectful towards women and others, Do Not merely look the other way or neglect it. Try talking with your friend about it. Urge your friend to look into resources. If you don’t know how to talk to them effectively — or worry they might turn on you, too — talk with friends, co-workers and others: you aren’t “telling on them”, but you can share dialogue with others who might feel good about talking with your mutual friend, or discover ways of helping. Silence Is Violence — DON’T Do Nothing.
Take the time — and courage! — to look inward: Question your own attitudes and behaviours; ask yourself if there have been times when you’ve been disrespectful and what that meant to you. Don’t react defensively when something you do or say is challenged. Keep trying to understand how your own attitudes and actions might unintentionally perpetuate gender violence or inequality. Work toward change and growth.
If you suspect someone close to you is being abused, harassed or assault, gently ask if you can help or what support you can offer. Do not press too hard if they refuse, but be open to hearing about what their individual needs are.
If you have any reason to believe you have been physically, sexually, psychologically or emotional abusive toward others — look into seeking help to change. Many, many resources are available — and no, they are not all “therapy”.
Be an Ally! Look into campus-based women’s centres; seek out community programs that support survivors of abuse and assault; share this list with your friends. Attend a local Take Back the Night event and other rallies. Ask some of these centres what support you can offer.
Fully learn about what Oppression and Inequality look like — take time to better understand homophobia, gay-bashing, misogyny, emotional abuse, racism, ableism, elitism and other ways of thinking that discriminate. Violence against anyone because of how they vary from the status quo is Not Okay. For example, know that homophobic abuse has direct links to sexism (e.g. ever been called “gay” for speaking up against homophobia or misogyny? This is a strategy — be it conscious or not — to shut up people who speak up.) Be brave and stand up anyway. Know who you are and be courageous.
Attend programs, take courses, watch films read articles and books and go to workshops or seminars about gender inequality and the root causes of gender violence. Educate yourself and others about gender violence!
Never fund sexism: refuse to purchase products that degrades women, female-identified people and transwomen, or portrays non-male people in negative, subservient ways. Protest sexism in the media, too.
Offer the resources and knowledge you have to others. Never assume you have it all figured out. Remain open to learning and growing. Lead by example.

Jiz Lee and Vai (Crash Pad Series) … Good, Consensual, Fun Sex: Here’s to more of that!

mmm this gives me shivers

(via nakieandcute)

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Building Models of Healthy Consent

(T/W for discussion of both good and bad consent practices)

combat—wombat:

… A participant doesn’t necessarily need to label a particular sexual encounter as assault or rape to feel like that encounter was shitty or could have been better (although if they want to or they feel like that’s what happened, then yeah, that’s entirely their prerogative to do so).
This is my attempt at outlining what those conversations about consent need to look like for me. This general structure can be used from any contact along the spectrum from cuddling to fucking. I think these questions are pretty similar to the consent questions from Support Zine, but while those are really great for figuring out how you as an individual think about and practice consent, these following questions are a tool for me to figure out with a partner how we as partners want to practice consent.

While asking your partner if they want you to do such-and-such an act as you go along is a good start, I don’t think it’s enough to really make sure that everyone involved is indeed having a good time. Here are the things I like to talk about before gettin’ down with anyone:

General interests

What kinds of things are you into? This is where I list all of the things I’d be interested in doing with a partner. This needs to be done with the understanding that you’re just letting the other person know what you’re open to doing, but those things are only going to happen if they’re also stoked on those things too. I like to think of this part as making a verbal “venn diagram” - we both throw out all the stuff we’re into, then we see where those interests intersect.

Boundaries

What kinds of things are you not interested in doing?

Are those boundaries just for this particular encounter, or is that something you might be open to doing in the future, with further discussion?

What parts of your body can I touch, and what do you want me to call those body parts?

Do you want me to ask each time I want to touch those body parts, or would you rather just give (or not give) consent once at the beginning?

Triggers

What should I do to avoid triggering you? What are your triggers?

What signs should I look for to indicate you’ve been triggered?

What do you want me to do if I think you’ve been triggered or you tell me you’ve been triggered?

Consent practice

How do you want me to practice consent with you? How do you want to practice consent with me?

How do you want me to check in with you, and how frequently?

Do you have a tendency to automatically say yes to things without giving yourself a chance to think it over?

Do you have a hard time saying no?

How can I create an an environment where you feel safe and like your decisions will be respected?

What kinds of things should I look for that would indicate you’re not having a good time?

STIs

What’s your STI status?

When was the last time you were tested? What, specifically, were you tested for? What were the results of those tests?

What kind of sexual contact have you had since you were last tested?

What was the STI status of the people you’ve had sexual contact with since the last time you were tested (if you know)?

What STI-prevention measures did/do you take (if any were needed) with those people?

How do you want to practice STI- and pregnancy- (if applicable) prevention with me?

I’m sure I’m forgetting things that should go on this list. I’m interested in hearing from y’all - how do you practice consent? How can we continue to improve our consent practices?

File Under: How to Prevent Rape Culture.

I really like all the consent practice questions above. Asking these sorts of questions really, truly, creates opportunities for clarifying needs, boundaries, desires and intentions — something that would be hard to gauge without asking about it (assumptions are pretty careless)!

Asking these kinds of things, having a genuine desire for the answers to these unknowns, is so fucking paramount to this. It’s really important that we aren’t just asking away to expedite the process of getting down someone’s pants. Furthermore, if you take these answers, and then choose to ignore them after you have received the answers, that is extremely violating.

Something that I would like to point out is that taking the time to understand our selves, how we might Answer these questions, is oftentimes what makes up wholesome, cohesive consent: Learning how to say No is important — Learning how to accept No is not merely an assert, it’s a fucking required!

That said, “No”, and other signs of lack of consent (e.g. anything but Yes) need to be present. Saying “Yes”, or providing other affirmations, when you don’t mean it is extremely dangerous!

Finally, I want to mention that for some people, sitting down and hearing these questions one after the next like this can be intimidating and feel like interrogation. We must each learn how to incorporate consideration for these things into daily interactions with partners and friends. There may be some for whom answering these questions all at once feels really good. Allowing these questions to become concerns we care about all the time (rather than right before sex, for example) is going to make sure the answers come fluidly and naturally.

I am super into discussing more about this.

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